Internet "Privacy"

I'd like you to take a seat.  Get comfortable, because what I am about to say might be uncomfortable for you to hear.  Yes, those people in the room with you can stay, they need to hear it too:

I am judging you.

I don't mean to, and many times, I'm not even aware that I'm doing it.  But I am.  Every time you post something, or even if you don't post for a while, I learn something about you that either earns you a few more points in the "like" column, or a few more points in the "dislike" column.  And here's something else that's also kind of difficult to say:

I am not unique in this.  

We ALL learn about each other from the way we present ourselves and how we act, it's not just on Facebook.  It's not even exclusive to the Internet, because believe me, if you get drunk and puke on my shoes, I will notice.  The internet is different from a party however, because while I can take a shower and buy new shoes, it is virtually impossible to remove content wholly from the web.  That part was important, so I'm gonna do another bolded bullet point:

Once it's on the web, it's there forever.

Oh sure, you can write to YouTube, or Facebook, or whatever, and have the offending material removed, but dollars to donuts someone has it saved somewhere and it will resurface again.  The scarier part is that somewhere on a server is a cached copy of that video of you lighting your dog's farts.

Now I'm not telling you this to scare you, or to encourage you not to light your dog's farts... though that is pretty gross, and probably not very good for you OR your dog... point is, I'm not even the person you need to worry about.  Check out this article from Gizmodo:

http://gizmodo.com/5818774/this-is-a-social-media-background-check

That's right, kids.  Not only is it possible for potential employers to Google your name, now a company has figured out a way to do it FOR them in a way that doesn't violate fair hiring practices.  They don't look for race, religion, marital status, or kids, but they DO look for violent tendencies, references to drugs, racist remarks, and sexually explicit behavior.  What does that mean?  And I truly hope you'll pay attention to this next part:

Think before you post.

If you drop an F-bomb in a review on Yelp, they can find it.  If you twitter a picture of you wearing a Circa 1941 SS Uniform, they can find it.  If you make a comment about the president being a socialist, they can find it.  Anything connected with your name, address, email and phone number is fair game.  

But this isn't just about employers.  Your friends see your private posts, the ones those searches can't find, and believe me, they are judging you too.  Because they know that they are judged by the company they keep, just as everyone else is.  

So what am I suggesting?  Censorship?  Fear of expression?  Hardly.  But I want you to be aware that the opinions you choose to express publicly have repercussions.  This is not new.  We have always been held accountable for what we say in public, problem is, we can now say things in public from the privacy of our living room.  And once it's on the internet, the fact that you were drunk, or upset, or hadn't slept for 2 days doesn't matter.  By the time you can explain, you've already been convicted in the court of Public Opinion.

Plain text robs us of context.  It can be particularly effective for comedic purposes, but remember that for a large portion of the people you are in contact with, all they know of you is what is on your Facebook Feed, at least until the next time they see you.  The Myth that people are not the same on the internet as they are in person can no longer protect you, especially if you use your real name or any part thereof.

So please, and I say this with all the love and support I can: Choose your words carefully, you may have to eat them.

Are you kidding me?

This was in response to a UK Lottery Phishing email I received, that just said, "Please open attachment for details about your winnings."  Luckily for me, Gmail has an image previewer, so I was able to satisfy my curiosity without giving my computer the electronic equivalent of the Martian Flu Virus.

Dear "Kate Brown,"

Well, I suppose if someone is still gullible enough to fall for the Overseas Lottery Scam, they're probably also stupid enough to open an attachment from someone they've never met.

Listen, I know you're probably just some poor kid in India working in a sweatshop for someone who will beat you and kill your sister if you don't send shit like this out. Still, there's gotta be a way to get out of that and somehow be a law-abiding citizen. Because no matter how you look at it, stealing people's money is wrong. So is using up valuable pornography bandwidth with fraudulent emails about lotteries, and princes, and friends being stuck in England.

Hey! Maybe you sister can get into porn! Then you won't have to send out bullshit emails to hardworking americans like myself. Sure, I'm supposed to be working right now and instead I'm writing you this (pretty brilliant, I must say) email, but this isn't about me. It's about you and your sweatshop conditions, and the ridiculous belief that somehow you are justified in cheating little old ladies out of their fixed-income earnings from their husbands' pensions.

Because honestly, those are the only people who fall for these scams. Well-meaning octagenarians who want to leave a little something for their grandchildren. Like my grandma. Well, not my grandma, because she's not a dipshit. But women like her. Women who have no marketable skills and can't join the workforce because when they were 10 they were told their husband would take care of them. My grandma is smarter than that and became a librarian, but like I said, this isn't about me.

Well, "Kate," I'm glad we've had this talk.  I'm sure I've taken up valuable time for both you and your supervisor/kidnapper.  You must have someone to swindle somewhere.  Maybe once you're done robbing US Senior Citizens, you can go beat up some kids for their lunch money!  Won't that be fun! 

Happy Felonies!
Claire

The Evolution of Social Media

In the beginning, there was email, and the User saw it, and it was good.  Then the User said, "Let there be a way to instantly message my friends in a back-and-forth conversation."  And so, the programmers huffed and puffed, and lo and behold, IM was born, along with many platforms to support it.  AIM, ICQ, Yahoo!, Trillian, the possibilities were endless.  And AIM begat Skype, and the User saw that it was good.

But over in another part of the Internet-o-Sphere, another User wished for fame, for glory, and perhaps for a little drama.  And so the programmers brought forth forums.  But no, this was too anonymous!  People could be total assbags to each other with no real consequences!  And so came livejournal.  Now, you could have friends!  And then came friends-locked posts, and special lists and filters!

But the User was a little ADD, and livejournal posts tended to be tiny novels.  And so came Myspace.  Now THIS was networking!  Pictures and friends and... sparkles?  No, no, no! (cried the User).  Give me something clean, something simple.  Something even my mom can use!

And so was born Facebook.  And everybody joined.  Everybody.  And the User who remembered email and forums and secret chat rooms said: WAIT A MINUTE!  Where did my anonymity go?  I used to have a private life that nobody else could touch!  I used to enjoy the solitude of a life seperate from the real world!  I guess you just can't please some people.

On Parents and Parenting

It is inescapable.  As parents, we inflict irreparable harm upon our children.  And as adults, we carry with us scars and strengths we developed from times we failed to please the closest thing to God we'll know in this life.

And perhaps that's the root of the conflict presented in the parent/child relationship.  A child can only see their creators and providers, protectors and teachers as Gods, when in fact they are fallible, flawed people who once needed creation and provision, protection and teaching.  And so the cycle goes.

I think most people do the best they can with what information and resources they have.  Apart from the truly horrible element of society, it is the first instinct of all humans to protect any child, especially those in their care, and none so much as their own.  And yet, even though our parents love us, and nourish us, still, they must fail us in order for us to become whole people.

While parents do retain their overall Godliness, there are moments, in every person's life, where the human pokes through.  That time your mother didn't believe you when you really hadn't taken the book.  The trip with your dad where he took the side of his friend instead of yours.

And don't get me started on divorce.  While it is generally a good thing for all involved, it is also generally the nastiest and most painful experience a couple and it's issue can endure.  How else could it be?  Two people who thought they were perfect for each other have discovered they are not, and now, what's more, there are children.  Children who must be protected, nourished, loved and taught.  Children whose Gods have begun to fight and disagree, perhaps even try to hurt each other.

This particular struggle seems to be a theme in my life.  I was once a child of such a conflict, and now I find myself among a family going through that self-same struggle.  What can I offer in this situation?  My experience could have been better, it also could have been much worse.  Now the things I "would have done differently" are the things I AM doing differently.

It seems like an excellent time to consult the demi-gods.  The Gods in this story have their roles, and that is not a conflict I can help.  But the step-parents, and the future step-kids.  These are the relationships that might yet become very important to me in the future.  Perhaps its time more than one hatchet was buried.

The Rules

Everyone has their own take on what constitutes appropriate behavior, their ideas and philosophies regarding romantic relationships.  These can come from friends, parents, literary works, even television commercials.  I don't pretend to have the best or most unique view on relationships.  But I do have a lot of friends, and most of them come to me with their romantic problems.  Hearing my friends make the similar choices, have similar concerns and end up similar places, and also reading a lot of books on the subject, has given me a very pragmatic view on relationships.

1) First and foremost: People. Don't. Change.  A very dear friend of mine once told me that there is no such thing as a clean slate.  You can add to what you have already done, but you can never undo, unsay, or unthink anything.  In life, there is no Control Z.  That's why people who have been in AA for ten years still call themselves Alcoholics.  Its not that they no longer have the disease, they're just in treatment, and like any life-long disease, as soon as they stop treatment, the disease will rear its ugly head.

If you hate that your man can't hold down a job, you better change your mind about the job or the man, because no matter how much he wants to, withouth counseling or concerted effort, he can't change.  If you hate that your girlfriend gets crazy jealous when you talk to other girls, either dump your friends or dump your girl.  People can affect their behavior.  A deadbeat can get a job and a crazy bitch can take a chill pill, but they are who they are.  Those kinds of things are fundamental characteristics, the kinds of problems that take years of work, therapy, and most importantly, personal commitment.  No matter how much a person loves you, they can't change who they are for you.  And what's more, it's selfish to ask.

2) To that end, your Exes are Exes for a reason.  No matter who broke it off with who, who said or did the awful thing that was the clincher, the root issue is that you two simply were not right for each other.  You were people with fundamental differences that did not mesh well.  If you think you are different people now, please see Rule Number One.

3) Relationships are hard.  Even when they're going well, they take work.  It may seem like you and your sweetie have one brain, and don't even need to say things out loud.  You are wrong.  Just as you think 100 different things a day about the same thing, so does your partner.  They are just as insecure, crazy, needy, and affection-starved as you.  And here's a secret: so is everyone else.

What does Rule Three mean?  It means you need to work at love.  Tell your spouse you love them when you think of it, not when it's convenient.   Show them you care.  Everyone has a way that they best interpret affection, whether by words, gifts, touch, quality time, or favors.  Find out what yours are, and ask for them.  And find out what your partners are and give it to them.   Ask yourself, "How would a person who is In Love act right now?"

You'd be surprised how important that last is.

4) Allow yourself to be surprised.  We have control over every aspect of our lives today, and sometimes it's hard to let go of that control enough to see opportunites for what they are.  If you are in a relationship, you never know when your loved one is going to subtley express a need they have, or a desire you can fulfill.  If you are single, you really, truly, never know when love will walk through the door with a winning smile.  Falling in love is one of the greatest and most wonderful surprises in life, and sometimes you just have to let it happen.

So those are the bare bones of my philosophy.  I don't know if they'll help anyone, but they certainly help me.   I'd be very interested to hear everyone's opinion.

A Turkey Day Poem

It's Turkey Day, a thankful time when families gather close,

A good time to reflect upon the things that matter most.

While shoppers plan to hit the stores in bargain-hunting sprees,

I’ll sit back and reflect upon what matters most to me.

I’m thankful for the internet, with all its trolls and memes,

And I’m thankful for John Williams, and the movies that he themes.

I’m glad Lucas made Star Wars, when I look up at the sky,

And I’m thankful for the prequels, though I couldn’t tell you why.

I give thanks for Batman, Spiderman, and X-Men too,

Thanks also for Mike Meyers, and the phrase, “Who throws a shoe?!”

Cheers for Frodo, Gandalf, and the Fellowship to boot,

And thanks for terrible pirates with only one shot left to shoot.

Thanks for World of Warcraft, for Alliance and for the Horde,

I’m thankful that with my Blackberry, I’m never really bored.

Thanks for robot vacuums, Netflix, BluRay and HD.

And thanks for gaming consoles where the controller is me.

Thanks for Rowling, Shakespeare, Wilde, Austen, and Tolkien,

And here’s to all the authors brilliant who’s works we haven’t yet seen.

I’m thankful that I live exactly here and now to see

All the things I’m thankful for, and that they exist for me.

Bust most of all, dear readers, it is you I’m thankful for.

I have fifteen whole subscribers, but I still could use some more.

So please enjoy your Turkey day, with food that never ends.

And if you liked this poem, well then please: go tell your friends.

XBox! Make Dinner!

To my mingled dismay and amusement, my scruffy-looking nerf herder recently purchased an XBox Kinect, which now lives above my television.  And it's weird.

First of all, the thing moves.  On its own.  To watch you.  There is a feature built into the XBox Kinect where in order to better interpret the movements of the people in the room, it will tilt until it sees a face.  And oh yeah, it recognizes my face.  I walk into the room and wave at it, and it says, "Hello Self-Rescuing Princess".  Freaking weird.

Using the Kinect is a fun and interesting experience.  It uses movement speed and angles to determine force, and it's ability to differentiate between movements is accurate and a little creepy.  I've played Kinect Sports, Kinect Adventures, and a demo of Dance Central, and found them all to be fun and a good workout.  I'm not a serious console gamer, however I hope that eventually some story-driven titles are released.  It would be really fun to play Lara Croft and actually have to run, jump, shoot and kill Raptors.

...don't get me started on the whole "Killing Dinosaurs" thing in that game.  Seriously, it's a blog post unto itself.

But the very coolest thing about using the Kinect, at least for me, is the Voice Recognition software.  "Xbox, Next.  XBox, Play Disc."  I think my feelings on the subject are actually pretty well summed up by Gabe from Penny Arcade:

http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2010/11/5/


Seriously, I'm high on the drug that is absolute power, and I've only had the thing for three days.

All in all, it's a very impressive system, which I'm fairly confident will be replaced by an even more impressive system in a few years.  I have a feeling it's the beginning of a new kind of video game, one that is more immersive and challenging that previous games have had the ability to be.  However, there are other industries besides Entertainment that should take note of this technology.  There are hundreds of real-world applications to technology that recognizes the movements of its users.  No-touch and voice-only controls will no longer be reserved for the super-rich, government labs, and high-budget action movies.  Mechanized home appliances could very well be a feasible venture in the next decade.  And maybe, finally, I can get a robot to bring me coffee in bed the second I wake up.